


Drunk Words are Sober Thoughts

by orphan_account



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Cute, Drunkenness, F/F, Flirting, Killing Eve - Freeform, MI6!Eve, Teasing, anyone else notice that Eve pretty much always has gin and tonic for alcohol?, bartender!Villanelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: AU where Villanelle isn’t involved in Eve’s MI6 work and she’s just your ordinary bartender, with a flair for flirting with female customers.The MI6 team meet up at a restaurant and have their fun, which includes teasing Eve on her crush.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 20
Kudos: 142





	1. If I See A Pretty Lady I’m Not Going To Keep Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve, Bill, Elena and Kenny meet up at a restaurant for fun, and Eve gets a crush on the bartender.  
> Yes, my brain short circuited and now I feel like Eve and have no idea which flirt option to choose T-T  
> If you enjoy this, please comment which option you want to see happen in the next chapter~

“Bill!” 

Bill glanced up from his spot and grinned broadly.

“Eve, so glad you could make it!” He said, standing up to point Eve to her seat opposite him. “Elena‘s running late, but we guessed that would happen, and Kenny’s in the bathroom.” 

Bill chuckled as Eve smiled at him and took her seat, shrugging off her coat.

The small MI6 makeshift team agreed to meet up at a restaurant, which was five stars and almost immediately meant Eve had to pay. Work had been stressful lately, with at least ten murders reported from across the world in China; Kenny assumes they’re related to a string connected to Fat Panda. The team were hesitant to invite Carolyn, but decided against it because they felt it would be awkward to have the boss around (although technically speaking, Eve was also the boss of Bill, Kenny and Elena). In other words, Kenny didn’t want to get wasted in front of his mother, Elena didn’t want to give a bad impression, and Bill couldn’t care either way. 

The restaurant was certainly worthwhile, the whole interior giving off a ‘we’re family friendly but this place is obviously where you’re going to get insanely drunk’ vibe. Fuzzy orange lights lit up the ceiling and glowed onto rustic wooden tables lined with metal. The tables were adorned with soft-lighted candles in the centre and were dotted about with pot plants in between them, and cascading from the walls. Wooden planks that made up the floor creaked every so often when you walked across it. The group’s table was situated against the back wall of the restaurant, to the far left of the bar, and nestled in nicely in the corner amongst the other tables, which were surprisingly empty. 

“Eve, hi!” Kenny greeted Eve as he came back to the table.

Eve nodded at him before thinking of something whimsical to say.

“Your girlfriend is gonna be late, probably traffic.” 

Bill covered his face laughing subtly and Kenny shot Eve a playful look.

“Piss off.”

Eve laughed with Bill as Kenny slowly started to calm down into snickers.

“Got enough money to pay for your children?” Kenny asked Eve, continuing the comedic manner of conversation.

“Children?” Eve questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Bill and Kenny were sitting next to each other, and they synchronously looked at Eve with puppy eyes. 

“Us.” They both said, moving their heads forward to emphasise.

Eve made an ‘o’ shape with her mouth before they all erupted into laughter again.

“God, we aren’t even drunk.” Bill shook his head.

“Think of what we’ll be like when we will be drunk.” Kenny scoffed.

“Poor waiters.” Eve snorted, Bill letting his head fall into his hands at the same time.

“You guys!” 

The trio looked up from each other and instead to the woman who was jogging towards them.

“Don’t have all the fun without me!” Elena whined, sliding behind the table next to Eve. 

“We were making drunken jokes, sober.” Bill informed her through a smile, noticing Kenny going silent.

Elena giggled and slung her bag off of her shoulder. 

“So, we’ve all agreed Eve’s paying?” She joked, causing Eve to lightly slap her on the arm.

“God, you guys must be broke.” Eve said exasperatedly.

The group set off in short fits of laughter before easing down. 

“Let’s look at the menus?” Kenny asked, gesturing to the lists of food in front of them.

“Yes!” Bill clasped his hands in the air before looking down at his menu. 

Kenny flipped though his, carefree, as Elena and Eve murmured to each other about the different options. 

“Alright.” Bill said, leaning back in his chair.

Kenny did the same without saying anything and the women slowly nodded to themselves. 

“Alright.” Eve repeated, setting down her menu. 

They ended up ordering the same thing with different drinks: a beef burger, with Corona for Bill, water for Kenny, gin and tonic for Eve, and vodka for Elena. 

“God, you’re boring,” Elena muttered to Kenny with mischief in her voice. “Your mother isn’t even here!”

It was visible when a flash of hurt crossed Kenny’s face at Elena’s words.

“Fine then, I’ll share your vodka, but I’m keeping my water to sober up.” He protested. 

Elena lit up and smirked. 

“So,” Bill opened up to everyone. “How’s the single life treating you all?”

Of course he was going to ask that in front of Kenny and Elena, but not to worry, Eve jumped in. 

“I personally think it’s great. You get to go out to parties and shit without giving a damn about someone else.” She waved out her hand and leaned against the table. 

“Well, Eve’s just looking to get drunk and make mistakes.” Bill concluded, making everyone crack up laughing again. 

When the drinks arrived, everyone took a sip of theirs and the range of facial expressions was hilarious. Bill’s face contorted from the amount of sour lime that had dripped into his Corona. Kenny sipped his water innocently, his lips pursing once he realised how bland the water actually was. Elena groaned out after the intensity of the vodka hit her and Eve blinked strongly and set her gin and tonic down almost immediately after the first taste. They all got a glimpse of each other and shook their heads in embarrassment, pushing their drinks further away. 

“That’s going to take some getting used to.” Elena said hoarsely. 

The food didn’t take long to arrive and when it was set down, they all said their famished thanks to the waiter. 

“I didn’t realise how hungry I was,” Bill said. “I’ll go and get some salt and pepper.” 

Eve watched him go over to the bar whilst the other two tucked into their meals. She hadn’t noticed before, but as her eyes trailed away from Bill, she saw that the bartender there was quite stunning. The woman had blonde hair that was pulled back in a messy bun, the strands falling perfectly over her eyes. She wore a simple black uniform but with an added white bowtie to stand out. The orange lights behind her accompanied with the shelves of illuminated drinks made the woman’s aura feel sexy. 

Staring at her, Eve didn’t realise she was mesmerised until the bartender actually looked at her. Caught redhanded, Eve was about to look away but the woman winked at her, the corner of her lips tugging upwards. Eve raised her eyebrows and breathed out in awe. As the woman was called away by a colleague, Eve watched after her until Elena interrupted her thoughts. 

“I thought you loved being single.” 

Eve tutted and threw Elena a harsh look. 

“I do, but if I see a pretty lady I’m not going to keep quiet.” Eve explained, turning away from the bar to go at her burger. 

“Oh, I thought you were after the tall guy near Bill!” Elena exclaimed, bringing a hand up to mouth as she twisted to face Eve. 

Eve felt a hot blush rise up on her cheeks and she busied herself with her food. 

“Which girl do you want?” Kenny asked, looking back at the bar. 

When the blonde woman came back and picked up a martini glass from the shelves behind the counter, Eve widened her eyes once she saw the woman’s fit body outlined by the lights. 

Kenny turned back to Eve and observed her flustered state. 

“The bartender?” 

Eve ignored him and focused her eyes away.

“I will say I agree, she looks hot.” Kenny admitted, to Eve and Elena’s shock.

“Kenny! I’ve never heard you talk like that before!” Elena gasped in giggles, making Eve hum in amusement. 

“What? She does, doesn’t she?” Kenny pointed at her.

“Don’t point! You’ll draw attention to us.” Eve instructed, still flustered.

Elena shrugged and made a ‘sure why not’ noise. 

The bartender was now shaking one of the drinks, making a crushing sound which emanated throughout the restaurant. 

Bill walked back to the table carrying his salt and pepper shakers.

“What did I miss?” 

“Eve’s got a crush on the bartender.” Kenny cooed. 

Bill joined in and wagged his eyebrows. 

“Are you going to talk to her?” He asked. 

“Well, what am I supposed to say?” 

“That you think she’s hot and you want to take her on a date!” Elena said in a high pitched voice, creasing her brow.

“Clearly Elena doesn’t have experience asking out a woman,” Bill rolled his eyes and a smirk spread over his face. “Why don’t you ask her to show you how to make a drink?” He suggested.

Eve tilted her head in thought. 

“That could work.” She murmured. 

“It’s the best way to ask out a bartender.” Bill stated.

Kenny scoffed and clicked his tongue. “You’ve got to still consider her as a woman, her personality can’t be tamed just by doing something bartenders in general like, find out her  _ personal _ likes and dislikes.”

“That’s very insightful, Kenny.” Elena said in amazement. 

Bill and Eve exchange knowing looks whilst Kenny and Elena look at each other desirably. 

“Okay.. I might do something when we leave.” Eve nodded thoughtfully.

“So we go on without you and you stay behind to shoot your shot?” Kenny teased.

Eve glared jokingly at him and bowed her head enthusiastically.

“Yeah.” 

Eve had fancied multiple women before, but never once had she found the courage to ask one out. She bit down on her lip nervously before taking a sip of her gin and tonic. 

“Careful,” Bill warned. “Don’t get too drunk or else you might say something stupid.”

“Maybe if I’m too drunk, I’ll have the courage to make a move on her.” Eve said back. 

After this, the group heard a giggle from behind them and they turned in their chairs. They all saw the blonde bartender covering her mouth sheepishly, her face lit up with a smile. 

Bill turned back to Eve and raised an eyebrow, a convinced grin plastered on his face. 

“Maybe she was laughing at something else?” Eve murmured, although really she was hoping the woman was laughing because of her. Her eyes remained focused on the woman and she steadily placed her burger back down on the plate after eating half of it. 

“Oh!” Kenny straightened up, his food already finished. “What if you write a flirty note to her on a napkin and then slide it over to her across the bar counter when you pass?”

“What would it say?” Eve contemplated.

“Um.. something like.. ‘I’ll be back at 10, make sure you’re alone here’.”

“Doesn’t sound too bad, because the restaurant closes at 10, so she could tell the other workers that she’ll stay behind to clean up the place, then when you show up, you can have your funny business.” Bill agreed, showing Eve a sly smile. 

“That is, if she agrees, remember.” Elena joined in. 

“So I have two options. One: stay when you guys have gone and ask her to teach me how to make a drink, thus ending up asking her out. Or two: slide her a flirty note to see if she’ll meet me after hours so we can...” Eve trailed off, her eyes staying glued to the table.

“So you can inevitably fuck.” Bill finished.

“Right,” Eve whispered. “Shouldn’t we take into consideration that I don’t have the balls to do neither of these options?”

“Well, like you said: ‘if I see a pretty lady I’m not going to keep quiet.’ So, don’t keep quiet and make your move!” Elena reassured Eve.

“Both options will give you a pretty good impression.” Bill said. 

“But I don’t know which one to do...” Eve mumbled, her fingers twisting the fur on her coat beside her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment an option if you like this so far  
> 1: cute/soft flirting  
> 2: sex _D_


	2. For The Sake Of The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of the flirting option with a hint of seduction because the sex will come soon  
> Flustered Eve is officially my spirit animal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, there’s still more to come, I just took a break after writing this part

Kenny, Bill and Elena grinned at Eve as they made their way out. Eve lingered behind at their table whilst she watched the group exit the restaurant. It was just her and the bartender. As if the blonde had listened to the group’s conversation, she had told the other employees that she would stay behind and clean the place, the boss having already left for some ‘family emergency’. 

The lights in the restaurant seemed to have grown dimmer, and all that remained within Eve’s vision was the mesmerising bartender. Watching her stretch upwards to clean the glass shelves lined with bottles, Eve gazed at the woman as the thin black material of her uniform strained against her sides. 

_ God, imagine waking up in that woman’s bed... _

Eve’s eyebrows raised knowing that she was thinking such things. Her eyes happened to almost trace the bartender’s body, the slim torso and perfect curves. Eve inhaled deeply before finishing her fake act of gathering her things. 

She dawdled over to the bar counter and slowly came to a stop, turning to lean against the cold marble. 

“I noticed you watching me.”

Eve’s mouth was half open, ready to speak, before the woman in front of her beat her to it. Once Eve closed her mouth, an unexpected blush painted her cheeks when she realised what had been said. 

“U-uh yes, I-“ Eve stammered.

A delicious chuckle sounded from the blonde as she twisted to face Eve. 

“Flustered?” She purred.

_ Oh. My. God... _

A short exhale of embarrassment escaped Eve’s lips and she pulled away from the bar counter.

Suddenly, the woman’s expression went soft.

“Hey, no, come back,”

Eve smiled nervously.

“I’ll stop teasing.” 

The pair relaxed in faint laughter and Eve retook her place at the bar, this time perching herself on one of the bar stools.

The bartender watched Eve. It was a comfortable silence in which both women took each other in. 

Eve’s stare raked from the blonde’s high cheekbones and the dotted freckles near her eyes, to her slender arms and the pale fingers that stroked the edge of the counter. Her eyes wandered to further places but Eve caught herself and moved her head back to correct her view.

The woman’s mouth was slightly open, the corner of her lips curling up. She pulled her bottom lip back behind her teeth as if to bite it, but she thought otherwise and pursed her lips shut. 

“Villanelle.” Her voice emerged from the silence and she mimicked Eve leaning over the counter, an extended hand reaching for Eve’s.

“Eve.” Eve said back, her hand moving closer to grasp Villanelle’s. 

They didn’t shake hands, but held them, their eyes staying locked on the other’s. When they finally recoiled hands, Villanelle’s didn’t move back behind the counter but instead lay on top.

Eve’s thoughts mustered what they could and she finally remembered half of the plan. 

“I.. have an event I need to host for, as bartender. And I saw you and-“ Eve stumbled over her words and trailed off.

“And I thought you may be able to teach me how to make a drink.” She lied through her teeth, but it was enough to see the wide smile that lit up Villanelle’s face.

“Ahh, interesting.” The woman replied, as if she knew Eve was lying and that she would never really be the person to get involved with alcohol. 

This judgement having been made after Villanelle studied Eve’s slurred reaction to drinking too much gin and tonic.

But she went along with it for the sake of the moment. 

“Anything in particular?” 

This was where Eve’s intoxicated mind and lack of knowledge of alcohol kicked in. 

“Um.. perhaps, your favourite.”

Villanelle chuckled and raised an index finger to her lips, touching them momentarily as her eyes flickered down, before blinking and diving under the counter. 

Eve rolled her eyes back in relief that she didn’t say the wrong thing and mouthed the word ‘ _fuck_ ’ . 

When Villanelle reappeared from behind the bar, she was met with an innocent look on Eve’s face.

She cocked an eyebrow and twisted her mouth into a smirk, tilting her body sideways and hefting a bottle of vodka onto the marble counter.

“With a twist.” She raised a hand to silence Eve and threw another hand out behind her to grab a bowl of fruit. Picking the strawberries, she sheepishly picked a single one and gave Eve a curious look.

Eve puckered her lips before melting into a grin, leaning further forwards against the counter. 

This time, Villanelle did bite down on her bottom lip as she watched Eve’s eyes flutter shut and her mouth open in expectance. She slid the one strawberry into Eve’s mouth and brushed her thumb against Eve’s lips to close them. As Eve chewed, her eyes still shut, Villanelle had to fight back a blush as she watched the woman eat. 

Swallowing and opening her eyes, Eve flashed Villanelle a playful smile as the blonde scrunched up her nose.

The next few hours were spent with Eve learning aimlessly how to make strawberry vodka. All inhibitions were killed as the pair soaked in each other’s presence. 

Eve gazed at Villanelle throughout it all, watching her delicate fingertips play a dance over the cups when she selected one, watching how Villanelle tightly shut her eyes when strawberry juice splashed her uniform and face, and how Villanelle’s taut muscles shook the drink. 

Halfway through, the woman hiked up her sleeves, exposing smooth skin on her forearms. Eve watched this and then watched how Villanelle shot her a sly wink.

“This is amazing.” 

Eve sipped her vodka, her tongue welcoming the icy fragrant taste. 

She noticed Villanelle staring at her and Eve put down her drink, a flustered giggle escaping her lips. 

“Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything.” Eve mumbled, avoiding Villanelle’s stare. 

“Nooo, you? No wayy.” Villanelle teased, widening her eyes to exaggerate her sarcasm.

Eve tutted and tilted her head to the side. 

“Can I.. have your number?”

  
The familiar dark shadow crossed Villanelle’s eyes and her lips returned to a smirk.

“Sure,” she said, reaching for a napkin and writing her number down. “You can call me whenever you want... even if you don’t have a reason to.”

_ God, she’s so perfect. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment anything you would like to see in the next chapter/any ideas you may have :)


	3. You Should Let Me Do It Again Sometime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty. Much. Just. Villanelle fucking Eve on a restaurant bar counter.  
> So, this happened. If the first half seems different to the second, it’s cause I lost motivation to write sex and had to improvise from a piece I had already written. So yeah, hopefully it still works.  
> This is probably the second option (sex) branching from the first (flirting), which is what some of you commented so I tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I haven’t proofread it and yes, I’ll rewrite it if it doesn’t work  
> :)

“I’ll text you!” Eve grinned as she waved goodbye at the restaurant door.

Villanelle rested her head in the palm of her hand as she grinned back at Eve. The older woman left and Villanelle sighed in dismay. Grabbing a table cloth, she began wiping down the bar counter when she noticed a bag sitting on the bar stool next to Eve’s. Villanelle widened her eyes and rushed around the counter to grab it, then raced out of the restaurant. It had started to rain but Villanelle raced to catch Eve. 

She was just around the corner when Villanelle caught up with her.

“What-?”

“You left your bag.” The blonde breathed out.

“Villanelle, it’s raining!” Eve exclaimed in giggles, grabbing Villanelle and pulling her under her umbrella.

They were mere millimetres away from each other and Villanelle’s arms had found themselves around Eve’s waist.

“You’re very clumsy.” Villanelle murmured, still on about Eve’s bag.

Eve tutted and closed the gap between them. She stood on her toes to reach Villanelle and brought her closer by tugging at her collar. They kissed, under one umbrella, looking like unexpected people in love. Passerby’s would have thought they were in a movie.

When Eve pulled away, Villanelle spoke her thoughts.

“Would you stay for a bit?”

“Sure.” Eve answered, reaching for the blonde’s hands. 

The women hurriedly made their way back to the restaurant, which was all theirs.

Once inside, Villanelle pushed Eve against the bar and kissed her more deeply. Eve was taken aback but assisted Villanelle in stripping her of her coat.

Running her hands up and down new space on Eve’s chest, Villanelle smirked and leaned closer.

“You ready?”

Eve bit back a groan as the other woman started dipping her hand down Eve’s front. The contact made a pool of heat grow between Eve’s legs and she shifted against Villanelle’s hand. Villanelle noticed and hoisted Eve up on the bar counter. Eve straddled her legs around Villanelle’s waist as Villanelle worked at her clit over layers.

“Would be better if we got rid of these, no?” The blonde purred and Eve fiddled with her trouser buttons.

“Let me.” 

Eve could listen to that voice all day, as Villanelle’s fingers moved to the top of her trousers.

Getting Eve naked was easy and quick, and after she finished, Villanelle stood back to admire Eve.

After a silence, Eve looked Villanelle in the eyes and her lips opened slowly.

“I just want you.” She whispered.

Eve sat bare in front of Villanelle, her hard nipples protruded from her breasts and Villanelle could already see how wet her folds were. 

“Fuck me, Villanelle.” Eve whimpered, and at the last words, she threw her head back and her body writhed in need.

Villanelle started at the bottom, snaking her hands up Eve’s legs. She slowly peppered Eve’s ankles to behind her knee with kisses. Eve’s skin was especially sensitive behind her knee so Villanelle nipped at it until she had to hold down Eve’s legs to stop her from squirming.

“Be a good girl and keep still for me? You’ll get your wish.” Villanelle smirked, watching patches of skin flare red with arousal.

Eve sighed submissively and Villanelle ran her fingers up the lengths of Eve’s thighs. She licked long strips along her inner thighs and saw her folds twitch in anticipation. Throughout all of this, the space was filled with the sound of Eve’s shaky breathing, sounding as if she would break at any moment.

Villanelle moved her face closer to Eve’s pussy but stopped to tease her. Her hot breath dampened Eve’s swollen labia and she waited for her pleads. 

“Villanelle! Please!” Eve begged, her head shaking in frustration. 

“Aw, you want me to fuck you already? Without giving these any attention?” Villanelle reached out a hand to tweak one of Eve’s pink nipples, eliciting a sharp whine from Eve.

“Oh please, I want your tongue on me!” She breathed.

Villanelle moved up her body quickly and then sucked and bit at her nipples. She felt Eve’s breasts fill her mouth and she pulled away to take a breath, her warm saliva dripping down Eve’s chest. Eve’s moans urged Villanelle to carry on and she sank her teeth into her neck to silence Eve. Eve yelled out and it subsided in long whimpers as Villanelle released her bite. She swiped her tongue over the mark to ease it and the dark pink flooded down to Eve’s throat.

“Do you want me to stop now, baby?” Villanelle purred as Eve’s eyes rolled back. 

“Fuck me Villanelle. Fuck me!” Eve cried. “You’ve made me so wet.” She moaned, her legs twisting eagerly.

Villanelle traced a line between Eve’s breasts with her finger. Once she got to Eve’s waist, she brought her hand back up to Eve’s mouth. The blonde’s index finger toyed with her bottom lip as her other hand held Eve’s hips down. When Eve surrendered and released the tension pursing her mouth shut, Villanelle dove her finger past her teeth. It glided over Eve’s tongue and rubbed against the back of it when Villanelle explored further, causing Eve to clench her mouth around Villanelle’s skin. 

Villanelle soaked up all the saliva she could until it overflowed from Eve’s lips. She brushed the stray droplets away with her thumb as her finger emerged from Eve’s lips. Eve let out a trembling breath as Villanelle’s fingers slid over her entrance. Villanelle waited and then just as she saw Eve squeeze her eyes shut, she pushed into her folds. Eve let out a cry and raised her hips as Villanelle curled them around and moved her hand quicker. 

“Cum for me, Eve.” Villanelle snarled, her hand smacking against Eve’s clit.

Eve’s hips bucked until Villanelle felt her pussy tighten and the ridges of her walls slowed her fingers. Eve moaned out in joy, her hands trying to grip the marble counter. She rode her afterglow in a series of groans and sighs. The orgasm left Villanelle’s hand covered in Eve’s juice and she lapped up every drop.

Once she cleaned her hand, Villanelle moved her face closer and glided her tongue over Eve’s throbbing clit. Once Eve’s taste had been wiped from her skin, Villanelle lay soft kisses across her stomach. 

Eve breathed out and tangled a hand in Villanelle’s hair, tugging at it to pull her closer. When her face was nearer Villanelle’s, the women shared a passionate kiss. Tongues clashing and lips devouring each other, Villanelle eventually relaxed into Eve, her face furrowing into Eve’s curls.

“That was amazing.” Eve sighed.

Villanelle mumbled into her neck. “You should let me do it again sometime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
